It's official. My laparoscopy/hysteroscopy is scheduled for October 5th. Two days before my 30th birthday. How joyful is that? So much for my lifelong ambition to have kids in my arms before 30. I have a pre-op consult for October 4th. "Pre-op." It just sounds so weird. I know this is considered to be a pretty basic, "easy" surgery, but it scares the crap out of me at times. Sometimes I want to back out. It makes it harder when I have to wait so long too.
I'm scared for lots of reasons; some strange, some reasonable. I'm scared because we are responsible for $1500 of this procedure, and we're already struggling from the other treatments and dealing with a new house. I'm scared of the anesthesia. I'm scared that he'll find TONS of endometriosis. I'm also scared that he'll find NONE, and that means that I'm doomed to painful periods, and just random pain in that area for the rest of my life with no explanation. I guess it would also mean no hope from this procedure with nothing else on which to pin our lack of success.
Don't get me wrong. I do not WANT endometriosis. But at the same time, I have many of the symptoms, so I guess I just want answers as to why I have them. I hope you all understand my crazy reasoning. (is that an oxymoron? ;-) )
I'm also not happy to languish on birth control pills (bcps for those in the know) for a month or so while I wait. sigh.
No worries. In my next post I'll update you on all that we've done so far, so that I'm not such an enigma. Although, being an enigma does sound all cool and sexy. ;-)