That "hope" chick sure is a bitch isn't she? I had a lot of really weird things going on with my body, and a really interesting chart this month, so despite the fact that we aren't really trying, I got a little excited and hoped for a "pleasant surprise." Now really; after over 2 years of this I should know better. We aren't going to be blessed with a pleasant surprise. Our surprises are all of the decidedly non-pleasant variety. The only thing that we haven't had to work like dogs to obtain or achieve is our love for each other (and I am beyond thankful for that.) But there's hope for ya - always the stupid chipper bee-otch.
However, my cycle seems to be changing for the better each time now. I am pretty excited about that. Even if it doesn't result in pregnancy, I am so much healthier and happier. I noticed that I didn't even get the same black mood swings and urge to kill that I usually get before my period. I was moody to be sure, but I didn't have to restrict my access to sharp objects as much. Now if I could just get rid of the hellacious cramps and discomfort.... ah well, at least they don't last as long as they used to.
Here is that chart just for a curious glimpse. I still think something odd happened. Two eggs released? A fertilization but no implant? Something...
Another thing I'm a little on edge about right now is that a friend of mine is actually "starting to try" this month. She is a wonderful, caring person, but she has also given me her share of assvice and really believes that if I just had the faith in God that she has and could de-stress more, that it would help me get pregnant. She's in her 30's and has a pretty late ovulation (if at all), but is convinced that she will have "no problems and will get pregnant right away." And you know what? She probably will. That will be great for her. I don't wish this on anyone. BUT, then I will watch yet another go through the pregnancy I should have already had. Only this time I will get to hear over and over how it was her faith in God and her positivity that got the deed done. I'm just not looking forward to that. I like her and don't want to lose our closeness, or worse, have to hit her over the head with a blunt object. I'm sure you'll hear more as this progresses. I will definitely need an outlet.
In happy thoughts - I'm hoping for another move up in my ovulation. (fingers crossed) I've also started really working on my garden areas and am finally getting things where I want them. It just took a while to know what to do with it. We live in a more scrub, dry area of Florida, so I'm trying to do arid landscaping in the back. I can't stand the St. Augustine grass that sucks up so much precious water. You should see how pretty my cacti are! I'm also trying to buy eco-friendly mulch and more native plants. Happy stuff!
In knitting news, I'm working on 2 projects that I am SO excited about. I can't post photos until I've finished, and I can't wait! And last but not least, I finally threw away that positive hpt from last year....
peace
FCiF
ETA: This is turning out to be one of the worst periods I've had in a very long time. Today's happy things: Midol, heating pads, soup
