I just wanted to point out that while we have not lost hope for a pregnancy for us, my happiness over ovulating isn't just for the "TTC" aspect. I am just so friggin' happy to be somewhat in the club, to be somewhat normal, and to feel like my body does what it's supposed to! I know it sounds crazy, but initially, it made me feel much less a woman to be deemed, "infertile." After all, infertile is really not so far from "barren" and all its negative implications right?
However, not ovulating at all made it much much worse. Not only could I not produce a successful pregnancy, but I couldn't even produce an egg without drugs that brought about a psychotic version of the Barb I knew. I felt like such a complete and utter biological failure as a woman. It kicked my ass. And before you poo poo that thought, note that it's completely normal to have these feelings. I'm aware they are not reasonable, but reason does not seem to enter into it.
Furthermore, not only did I fail at my biological imperative; I also felt like crap. I was anxious and jittery much of the time, absent minded (felt like I was getting dumber!) couldn't stop gaining weight, my hair and skin were in bad condition, and my periods were Hell...On....Earth every 3 months. Now, my eyebrows are full at the edges again, my hair is actually SILKY and GLOSSY, my skin is nicer, and I feel more at ease and can think more clearly.
No wonder I do not want to start treatments again. I feel so damn GOOD. Who would want to give that up for the poking, the emotional upheaval and the feeling that once again you have spent lots of money and time on something that seems as if it will never ever work.
So for now, thank God I am healthier. That doesn't mean I don't have my completely down days about infertility. But all the other decisions will come when I have completely reveled in the peace this brings.
p.s. Thank you all SO much for your support on the post about my Grandmother and my ovulation. It means very much to me.
Healthy Body, Healthy Outlook
Update Thursday, April 24, 2008 at 5:38 PM.
Dalam topik musings
Dalam topik musings