Counting my Blessings

I've done a lot of whining lately. And I have to explain that a little bit. I have to admit that a lot of it is that I feel entitled. Yes. I said it. I feel entitled. I've often thought that's a very bad trait in people. Does that make me bad? I have no idea, but that's just how I feel. It's just that when you work your ass off to get to where you are, and continue to work your ass off, you'd like to see something come from it right? I always believed that's all it took - hard work. I always said, "You MAKE things happen for yourself." The problem is, you see improvement for a while until you reach this point of diminishing returns - especially in this time, in this country. I worked to pay my way through college and continue to pay off the debts. We paid for Hub's visa, our wedding and all our moves completely on our own. Now we pay for his continued schooling so that he can better himself. We've done everything we can to move ahead in life and even managed to do it without credit card debt. I know most people are in similar boats right now with the economy, but hey... do you think I could maybe have a baby? We're scared sh*tless of state adoption right now and can't afford any other kind. Maybe I could just get pregnant. You there God?

I think the main problem is that Hub and I have mainly headed for enrichment in the emotional aspect of our lives. And it's the rare person who can do that AND get ahead money-wise. But that leads me to what I really want to say. I want to count my blessings. There are so many things I AM lucky to have and been very fortunate in that I need to remember. Then maybe I won't feel so entitled anymore....

1. I have a beautiful marriage to a beautiful man. The logistics of being together were difficult to manage, but we fell head over heels in love pretty easily and haven't had many hitches in the emotional aspects of our connection. I always tell him that he's "my favorite."

2. I am passionate about my work. I love it with every fiber of my being. Even though that can cause problems in how I view work, I'm glad I've had that experience.

3. My family is AWE-SOME. I don't know how I got lucky enough to be born into a family with some of the greatest people in the world, but I was. They have given me every good trait I have. I will thank them forever for their love and dedication.

4. I have had some really wonderful friends in my time.

5. I was given intelligence enough that I could make something of myself with sheer grit.

6. Hub and I have had the opportunity to see the world beyond what we were born into and to experience some really amazing things. Traveling is a great joy in my life. (My Grandparents deserve a lot of thanks for that.)

7. Neither Hub, nor I have any major mental malfunctions and are both reasonably healthy.

And basically, I feel like we live a life true to who we are... as a couple and as individuals. That's the thing I'm most concerned about in life, so I'm so happy that's the case. I think that we've met our goals of being the "real" us and trying to make a difference in the world the best we can. Right after Grandfather died, my Dad told me that Grandfather once said to him, "You know what I like about your daughter? She is who she is and doesn't pretend to be otherwise." I don't know how true that is all the time, but it made me feel really really good. I know Grandfather didn't always agree with who I wanted to be, but I think he definitely respected my will to be so.

There. I feel much better now. Thanks for reading.

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