I'm still recovering. I am breathing much easier, but I still have an earache and a pressurized noggin. Hubbs has been sweet as always. I think tomorrow will be a somewhat normal day, thank God.
Grandfather's ceremony was the perfect tribute to such a wonderful man. It was also the perfect closure for me at least. It involved a little chapel, a moving ceremony, a horse drawn caisson complete with brass band leading, a rifle salute and taps played by a military trumpeter. It was all a little surreal to me until I saw his photo. That photo jerked me back into the reality that this was for my Grandfather. I think I sometimes still expect to see him in his favorite chair when I visit.
It was really nice to see my Dad's side of the family again as well. It was particularly nice to get all the first cousins together. It's been a long time since that has happened. As I thought, it was a little difficult to field a few wonderings as to why his first grandchild had not yet produced a great grandchild. Mostly though, it was just difficult inside myself. I very much mourn the lost opportunity to share that with my Grandfather and with my future child. I know they would love each other on sight. And now, the 2 remaining grandparents between Hubbs and I are in their 80's. Not only that, but many of my great aunts and uncles are passing away and are older as well. I know we can't look to the past all the time, but it's just difficult.
On the other end of my visit, I got to see much of my Mother's family. It was hard the first time I walked into Aunt's house expecting to see her in the living room. It was hard for Uncle too. He had to choke back tears a few times. But Pennsylvania was beautiful as it always is in the summer, and we had a lot of fun visiting. Most of the fun involved playing with my Nephew and his little dog. What a sweet duo they make. I know I'm biased, but believe me when I say that my nephew is the smartest, sweetest little boy around. ;) I had a hard time holding back tears when we left. I know a lot of that was tied up in not having a child of my own to return to as well.
All in all, it was a good trip, but left me feeling a bit unsettled. I think Hubbs and I need to sit down and make a very concrete plan for the next step now, complete with dates. My happiness with inertia is coming to an end. And please forgive me if my writing is a bit muddled. I'm finding that my brain still isn't firing quite right because of all the gook that's clogging it.