This post by Farah at Fertilized struck a chord with me, as her posts usually do. I identify with a lot of the things she says in it and struggle with the very same thoughts and feelings on religion. However, since I am fairly private about much of my life (at least on the internets), I don't usually feel up to sharing much of this aspect. I am in awe of how much Farah is able to share so eloquently.
So in the spirit of that sharing, I decided it's my turn (to an extent. ;-). My religious protestant background is similar to hers, and I'm married to a Catholic. So far we've managed to blend to some degree since he also has these feelings about religion, and we can both let go enough to blend. Both of us aren't sure what all we believe. Both of us have a lot of wariness toward organized religion from past experience of hypocrisy, non-inclusion and things we just don't think are right (examples including thinking no one should use birth control, or that science has a place in Faith or that religion has a place in science). Both of us also have difficulty with churches that are all about loving and hugging and praising God without any of the practical applications of daily life.
Before we left the cold white north for Florida, we had found a wonderful Catholic Church that we both adored. It was unusual in that it was a more humble looking Catholic Church, which made humble Protestant me feel at home. The head Priest was also an amazing man. We got newsletters every month, and in them he addressed things like why we shouldn't try to combine evolution theories and faith and why they can co-exist peacefully, and why we should love all, not judge and include anyone who wanted to be included. He was also very down to earth in his sermons, and was very interesting to listen to. When it was time for us to marry, he had no problem with me remaining Protestant, and having Protestant ministers at the ceremony. A previous priest of Hub's had demanded that I track down the military Protestant minister who had performed my baptism on base so that he could talk to him to prove it had happened - even though I had the handkerchief and form. It didn't seem to matter that the man was old when he had done it 25 years before, and probably wasn't around anymore or that we had no idea how to contact him. The newer Priest accepted my baptismal certificate without judgment. He was wonderful, as was the church community. In short, we got the peace, acceptance and reflection we were looking for there.
Then we moved here. It's no secret that church-going is a bit different in the South. As a generalization it's a bit more fervent, a bit less solemn, and a bit less inclusive. At least that has been our experience. We tried many different churches, protestant and catholic, without much success. There was the one in which the priest appeared to be drunk or have some sort of mental malfunction at least half the time. There was the one where there were so many people that huge groups were standing in the back, and you couldn't see the priest. That one also included our first experience with a child urinating on the floor where no one seemed to give a damn (including the parents), even though we tried. And the message at this one was incredibly simplistic. It turned out to be a tourist church. Then there was the one that was very small, very protestant and a bit too familiar for my very Catholic Hub. I was ok with it, but I could see how it could quickly become a place where it was whispered about why so and so didn't come this Sunday. Let's also not forget the one we've been trying to like for a while now since it's close and pretty, but is just way too kumbaya for our tastes. I really don't like holding hands, and I especially don't like holding strangers hands frequently. I also don't like simplistic new praise music that seems to be written for kindergarten children. I yearn for the complex rhythms, times, octaves and messages of yesteryear. We aren't illiterate or musical morons simply because we're attending church. This place also seems decidedly NOT inclusive.
Thus we had started to attend less and less even though we both felt the need for that peace and reflection. I started to turn to books on eastern religions for some of it. But yesterday we attended a non-denominational Christian church in the city. It was my first experience with a more "modern" church. I have to say I liked it very much. I think we both did. There were parts that were a bit over the top for me and very "southern," but overall, I was interested, the messages were applicable, yet maintained ties to the beautiful history of much of the Bible and I managed to obtain the peace and reflection for which I had searched. There are some amazing support and activity groups in this church, and inclusion seems to be its middle name. In fact, as the pastor was reading his sermon, he recommended that we attend a Christmas Eve service if we were looking for that "spiritual" feeling this Christmas. And he went on to say, "I don't care if you attend here, or go to the great crystal palace with donkeys that fly around the ceiling. If you are feeling lost and need that spiritual feeling, just please attend a service somewhere."
My very Catholic Hub who has attended very few Protestant services left feeling interested, bemused, peaceful and confused, but I think he liked it. I left feeling that some of that service was not for me, but that was ok. It was ok by me, and it was ok by them. I also felt rejuvenated and at peace. We are going to give it a few more goes to see if this is it. Let's hope this is what we were searching for.