Today marks one month of pregnancy - one month at what seems to me to be cheating the system. Because let's be honest here, with my medical issues, the amount of time we tried, and what others go through, it really seems like we're cheating the system, and oh is it going to be pissed when it figures this out. Let's hope it never does.
I've been having the infamous crazy dreams. Oh who am I kidding? It doesn't take pregnancy for me to dream up crazy shit. But Jen was featured in one of them. I wonder if she would mind me sharing?
We've been telling a few people here and there; people we need for support, or people we feel guilty not telling at this point. Every time I start this process or even when Hub does, my heart starts to pound and my mouth goes dry. I literally feel a fight or flight response. Why is this I wonder? Do I feel like we're waving a red flag to the system? "Hey, we're out here! We CHEATED! Come take it away!" Am I worried this is one more person we'll have to UNtell? Or is it just the enormity of the subject that makes my heart seize up? I am fairly introverted after all.
Maybe it's a combination of lots of complex factors. I'm just praying this doesn't end up knocking me on my ass. More non-pregnancy related posts soon, I promise.