It all started with a good cervical position and plenty of mucous. Appetizing no? I noticed this cycle that although the signs did not exhibit themselves until almost cycle day 30, they were really good signs. In fact, the only other time I had signs that good was my first cycle on Femara with IUI - the one where I got pregnant. Plus, the Hub had been popping those Zinc lozenges to avoid a cold for a few months. I thought, "Hey - it's the best chance we've had in a while." So we went for it - once. What? I'm not a wild college girl anymore. I'm sleepy!
Near the end of my luteal phase, I started to get suspicious. I had an episode of extreme drama and depression. It just seemed oddly out of place. It was also a similarity to the infamous Femara/iui cycle. Overall though, things were just a little different for me than usual. I generally abhor the "How do I know I'm pregnant?" stuff in the two week wait because one person's "sign" is another person's normal situation. For me, changes in the way my body reacts to luteal phase and oncoming AF are good indicators. I have a pretty regular system in that way.
So Hub and I gave each other funny looks and had intense brief stares, but danced a nervous, fearful jig around what we really dared to think. Both of us knew the other suspected, but neither one of us wanted to be the fool or to make the other hope.
Then came the day it felt as if my period was coming. It was way too early for those kinds of cramps. Again - it was completely abnormal for me and very in line with what happened on "that cycle." I very rarely test anymore, but then I found a coupon for First Response and decided that was it. I would test, but I wouldn't tell Hub anything about it per the usual. When it was negative, I'd just throw it in the trash can tucked under other articles so he wouldn't see. He didn't even know that I bought it, though later he said he wanted to ask me if I would test. That would have been the first time he ever asked. He never even posed the question during treatments.
So, my body was weird, my emotions were weird, and all this unspoken communication was zipping between Hub and me. At 14 days past ovulation (dpo), I decided I would test early in the morning after Hub left for work. I feigned sleepiness as he got ready, but inside I was jittery and anxious. As soon as he left, I jumped up and did the deed. I sat there on the toilet and prepared to put the test aside as I usually do - maybe in the effort to prolong the hope? But before I could even put it down, I saw the beginnings of a second, faint line. "That's just the test line," I muttered to myself. But then I looked again and huffed, "Holy SHIT! Ho-LY SHIT! That's the pregnancy line!" It's a good thing I was alone because I must have sounded batshit crazy.
I dropped the test to the floor and chanted, "ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod I'm pregnanti'mpregnanti'mpregnant ohgod." I had decided that if it were positive, I'd plan some really fun way to tell Hub when he got home, or I'd just drive up to his office and tell him there. Yeah right - like I have that kind of restraint.
With shaking hands I grabbed my phone. When Hub answered, the exchange went like this:
Me: HON - Can you pull of the road?
Hub: What???
Me: Just pull off the road, I need to tell you something!
(you may think I'm cruel, but I'm the excitable one, not him, so he was safe and calm. plus, he's used to my drama)
Hub: I'm on the HIGHWAY! I can't! Just tell me.
Me: Yes you can! There's a shoulder!
Hub: (exasperated) BABE. Tell me.
Me: I'm PREGNANT! I'm FUCKING PREGNANT!*
Hub: WOW! Whoa! That's AMAZING! You're PREGNANT??? WOW Babes! Good job!
(I chuckle at the good job bit)
We chittered on for a few minutes, and he said he was so glad I told him first thing. He was on cloud nine all day at work, so excited that we did it without intervention. I honestly think that's what had him so excited immediately and why he didn't protect himself like usual. It so surprised him that it would happen at all, and he was so happy for that fact alone, that he already felt like he'd been given a prize.
I called Endo and FavoriteOBGYN who had always said they needed to be the next call after Hub, and both acted immediately. The funny thing is, when I got into the waiting room for my obgyn that day, I still felt so out of place. Not only was I living in this strange dreamworld that couldn't exist, but I was there surrounded by pregnant bellies and babies. I even had a surge of some of the old resentment. I felt like the valedictorian marching band leader in the middle of a sorority party. It was just a very out of body experience. If this all goes well, I don't think I'll ever be one of those women who look so smug and entitled (to my eyes), with my hands resting on my belly, expecting all kinds of special attention. I just can't.
Since then, everyone has been wonderful. Our first ultrasound is less than 2 weeks away, and we hope to tell a few more people after that. Hub has been very solicitous, and that is a very fun thing. Anything I should be asking for right now?
*Sorry. That word needed to be whole and unedited in this situation.
The HPT Story
Update Friday, May 8, 2009 at 4:46 PM.
Dalam topik Me - Pregnant?
Dalam topik Me - Pregnant?