So I had never even considered co-sleeping. I was not aware that most of my family, including Sister with her two boys (and my Mom!), had done it at one time or another. I was under the impression that it was a rare thing, so I wouldn't have to prepare for it and that I wouldn't like it anyway. Add one more naive thought to my baby preparations. You're never truly ready huh?
Anyway, it also scared the hell out of me. I have nothing against others doing it, but I was so afraid I'd roll on my baby, or that he'd suffocate or any other number of horrific things. Then we had E. E does not like night time. E does not like to be far away from us. Put those two things together, and it makes for a very clingy bed time baby. We had a problem with some extreme comfort nursing and crying and came to learn through trial and error that it was happening when we tried to put him down in his pack n play even though it was directly beside my side of the bed. When we went to co-sleeping, it all stopped, and we had a happy baby and parents with some sleep. I just never would have imagined.
Stepping back to think, of course it makes sense. When he did sleep away from us those first few days, I hugged one of my pillows and dreamed constantly that it was E. Every time he stirred, I had dreams of comforting that damn pillow. If I'm so attached, imagine what that poor baby was feeling. And I find that I love having him with me. But I'm still so nervous that I sleep with a lamp on so that I can open my eyes and see him breathing immediately.
Last night I had such anxiety about it again that Daddy tried to put him in the pack n play when he was sound asleep. That triggered a wake up and one more extreme comfort nursing demand along with some screaming for good measure. I felt horrible. He's back to sleeping with us.
I've read a lot of things damning co-sleeping. I've read a lot of things damning everything you do period. It seems that so many books and articles are designed to make you feel guilty. But this seems to be our only solution for now. The poor kid is not even quite 2 weeks old. I don't think we're spoiling him. And I'm doing my best to make this as safe as possible. I'm actually a little less nervous sometimes since I feel and hear him so keenly when he's sleeping, and all I have to do is check right beside me rather than get up to check the pack n play.
What a humbling learning curve this all is. I'm so sorry to any parents I've inadvertently made feel badly for the choices they make. It's all about doing our best for each individual child isn't it? Please share your co-sleeping stories/advice with me. It would make me feel much better.