I feel the need to confess. I am a bad, materialistic Mom/Wife. Hub and I had discussed how people usually buy the woman who bore their child something special for afterward. I'm not that bad, but did think it would be kind of nice to get balloons, or flowers or something he'd made. However, when he asked what I'd like, I jokingly said something much more expensive that I've wanted for years and years. He shocked me by seeming to seriously say he'd get it.
I didn't truly completely believe that, but he did enough shifty things over the months (like buy supplies to make something, and when I asked what it was for, he said, "Nothing for you to worry about.") that I thought his plans were in the works. I got so excited looking forward to that (and yes, more toward E).
When the hospital stay went by with nothing, I figured we had bigger things to worry about, but later it nagged at me, and I had to know. When I asked if he had anything for me, he said, "No!" in a really incredulous tone, and I cried. Turns out he had forgotten all about our conversation. It hurt, A lot. He said he'd still get me a card or something, but here it is, a month later and it hurts the same.
I just can't get over it, and I feel horrible. I feel silly and foolish for thinking so much of it and myself all those months. I feel horribly hurt to be forgotten and to not be as important as I was in my eyes apparently. And yet I feel horribly guilty and selfish for caring about it at all. I have a wonderful man who's a great Hub and Daddy. Why would I ask for more?
I wouldn't normally blog this and have felt too guilty to tell any friends, but it's a weight on my chest that could possibly be eased by writing... so I am.
It still makes me cry that it's so open ended and not important enough to have been addressed sooner, and I still feel guilty. It's a horrible cycle I can't get over. Maybe you can help. Don't think too badly of me.
Confession
Update Sunday, January 31, 2010 at 2:52 PM.
Dalam topik Feeling crappy
Dalam topik Feeling crappy