How that sleep thing worked out for us...

Dear People Who Would Say I Was "Ruining" My Baby for Sleep:

We did what worked for our family. We followed our baby's lead and listened to his cues. We have never let him "cry it out." We let him "complain" once he was old enough to know the difference, but if he cries in distress, even if it's because he needs a hug, we go to him. We put him in the crib fast asleep if we needed to. It didn't seem to make a difference to how he awoke. I nursed him to sleep frequently until he was about 6 months old. I rocked him when he seemed to need it. We bed shared almost exclusively at night and often during the day for the first 4 months and then off and on for the next 2 or 3.

And guess what? That very same baby is now very well adjusted, happy and good natured. He falls asleep on his own almost every single nap and bed time. He let me know when rocking didn't work for him anymore in a pretty expressive way. We gave him opportunities to sleep in his crib and gave him lots of play time in there, and he also let us know pretty decidedly when he was ready to sleep there first for part of the night and then for all of it. He also naps 1-3 hours at a time without crying and usually sleeps 8 hours at a time, with another 3 to follow. He doesn't wake up crying. He wakes up talking and happy. We let him play for a little while before greeting him with smiles all around.

The main reason it was difficult with him in the beginning was because we felt like we were doing something "wrong" by bed sharing. We felt like we had to "train" him better. All the books said so! All our neighbors said so! Hell even our first doctor "said so." But it just didn't work. All those things we were "supposed" to do? They failed painfully. All those things we "shouldn't have done?" They worked beautifully. As long as we bed shared, nursed to sleep and comforted him, all was peaceful. Of course we tried to give him opportunities and help to transition to less dependent patterns, but we tried not to push too hard. And you know what? I liked it. Take that internet. I admit it. I LIKED sleeping with my baby. I liked easing his cries immediately. I liked rocking him with his warm body pressed to my chest. It made us both feel complete.

And now all is well. He has NONE of the lingering "bad habits" most of the books, people, internet sites, medical "experts" etc have said he would have. We must have done something right. And even if he did have lingering habits, is that because we did something horribly wrong? Probably not. Every baby is different, and we do what's right for our family. I'm not saying the way we did it is THE right way - far from it. I'm saying it was the right way for us. And a giant raspberry to anyone who thinks they have the tailor made answer for every child. We are living proof that it doesn't work that way.

Sincerely,
One happy and loving mother to a beautiful, perfect baby boy

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