I feel like I'm getting my mojo back. (Note that I had never heard of that word before Austin Powers.) I believe I'm still carrying the extra sensitivity, caring and humility I learned from my pregnancy and post partum era. I'm certainly more motherly and aware of how my actions can deeply affect others, though I'm not sure I needed a lot more of that. However, I'm adjusting to our new normal - to my new normal. My whole world is no longer this vast, raw, intimidating place. I've done what humans do so well - adapted to my new environment. I've rationalized my changed personality, and I've re-adhered some of my lost armor.
One of my favorite reclamations is what I affectionately call my "Fuck You." Yes, my "Fuck You" has returned. Granted, it's not as strong or as hasty as it once was, but I think that's an improvement. In any case, it's such a relief to have that inner defense when one of my less than charming acquaintances has a strong minded opinion about me or my actions. I can smile and say, "Thank you for making me aware of your concern. I apologize that this decision has affected you negatively. If you would like to discuss how we can make things work better, I'm all ears." And of course, couched within that speech is the tiny little "Eff You" in my head. (I have to be really pissed to whole heartedly embrace the full word.) Sure, it's not the most mature response. But it is mature to use some restraint and maintain it only in my head. Besides, I'm often not using it as a result of the most mature attack on me either. I have the fortune/misfortune of working in a career where people often retain a youthful attitude. I need this.
Furthermore, my confidence in general is returning. I believe in my decisions. I believe that I am doing what I feel is right, and if someone else disagrees, that's their prerogative and not necessarily my load to carry. I like me, and I like my ideals and morals. And you know what? I am a damn good mother. I am a damn good wife. I'm a pretty good friend. And even though work has suffered some, I'm still damn good at it. Just think how good I was before half my brain was used up for E.
I am back my friends, and it feels damn good all around.
Mojo
Update Saturday, April 16, 2011 at 7:08 PM.
Dalam topik happy times
Dalam topik happy times