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Update Thursday, May 5, 2011 at 6:10 PM.
Dalam topik book learnin'

Hey there! I had three comments on the last post and usually would address them within the comments or directly to the person, but in this case, I'd like to keep a discussion going and spread as much knowledge about this as possible. So I hope you guys don't mind!

Here goes:

Jen - Yes you are right. I am that awesome.

OK, OK. I'll get down to the serious stuff.

Rebecca worries that she's too "soft" on discipline. To that I say please do not confuse kindness and positive parenting or reinforcement with being too soft or "spoiling" your animal, loved one or child. Physical punishment, yelling etc are not necessarily "strong" actions. In fact, it often takes much more strength and discipline to step back and assess your situation and choose a path that works best. Striking out is usually more of a reflex than anything and another reason that punishment is so difficult. If you are going to punish, it cannot be in the heat of anger. It needs to be reasoned and carefully implemented. There is actually a lot of structure and discipline in a good training regimen. Being strong in those circumstances is sticking to the criteria you've selected for the behavior you want and only bending when it's necessary to "re-train" the behavior because of a breakdown in your expectations for whatever reason. (Potty training is a really good example in that a really bad experience or learning a big new thing can often cause behavior regression. Again, more later.) It also means being very very consistent. If you decide to ignore a behavior you don't want, whining for example, it can really set you back when you give in that one time to the extensive whining. The next time, whine will last longer because you have taught them that's how long it takes. You basically trained a longer whine. You do not have to accept "bad" behavior, but you do need to know how to react (or not react) in a way that ensures better results down the line. MUCH of the reactions we see in other beings around us have some root in how we've "trained" those individuals behaved - especially those with whom we have close relationships. Yes, even I have trained people to treat me badly by the way I accepted and encouraged it without meaning to. It doesn't make it right, but I can't change their behavior, only my own.

If you think you ARE being too soft, ask yourself these questions:
1. Is my subject continually offering behaviors that I like and want?
2. Am I getting mostly satisfactory results when I ask for my desired behaviors?
3. Am I happy with our interactions?

If the answer to those 3 are a definite "yes," then you are probably doing just fine. Keep in mind also, that the behavior acceptable to each family is very different, and that's ok as long as it works for you. You train to suit you. I've had people tell me that I've "spoiled" a training subject, yet the subject did what I asked regularly and without aggression or complaint. A good relationship and positive feedback do NOT equal "spoiling." I've grown to despise that word. If the person using it can't give any more criticism than that, it seems to be used when someone else doing the training or observing is either jealous that you have that kind of relationship, or a bad trainer herself who can't get the same results from other people or animals.

Natalie has some great anecdotal information concerning her family's experience with training. I love reading that stuff and would find it really interesting if any of you write your own posts (as Rebecca mentioned) on this in the future. If you do, please let me know so I can link to it. I am endlessly fascinated by this subject.

NOTE: I've recommended "Don't Shoot the Dog" as a great training book about people and animals, but note that it somewhat "dumbs down" the terms and glosses over some of the more technical aspects of this subject in an effort to make it more readable and enjoyable for the average person. So some of this info I'm discussing may not be laid out in there as clearly. Another book that does something similar is "The Happiest Toddler on the Block." I'd hazard that Dr. Harvey Karp knows his psychology quite well and that this is his way of making much of it digestible for parents of toddlers. I highly recommend it.

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Artikel ini diposting dari blog , Thursday, May 5, 2011, at 6:10 PM dalam topik book learnin' dan permalink 47. Jangan lupa baca artikel terkait dan tinggalkan komentar di bawah ini.

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