A Life Reconsidered (ongoing)

I want to work more on my writing. I want to hone skills grown shabby and learn skills I never mastered. I don't regret the path I took. Conservation, science and wildlife biology are a passion just like writing, and I've lived the adventures on which it has taken me. But what I've let slide does sadden me some.

It won't be a quick thing or an easy one. My family takes precedence right now, and I must perform well at my full time job. I must figure out where I can learn what I need to. I have a pretty decent grasp of the fundamentals, but oh the beyond...

And I must conquer my fear of putting myself out there, of letting others know me, of hearing criticism. When did that happen? There was a time when I was fierce in my ambition and need to learn and improve. I wanted to take the world by storm... BE somebody, make a difference. While I believe I gave accomplished much and have made a difference, somehow the ambition has wavered. The focus has blurred, and the fear and timidity have grown. It would be fine if the ambition had gone away completely, but it hasn't. It's still floating around in there but lacking direction and resolve.

I love my current job, but it's no longer a prominent passion. I never believed I would say that. The time for moving on is coming for so many reasons. I've been feeling for a long time that I wasn't growing as I feel I need to in my work and all the changes I've made in the past few years hasn't really changed that. And since the birth of E, my position in my work life almost feels... Juvenile, despite my love it. My position as mother has trumped all else and given me a kick in the pants for other parts of my life.

Now this is obviously a very self involved ramble meant to help me work through my own thoughts (like most of this blog), but I would sincerely welcome any and all points, considerations and ideas thrown my way.

Xo
Me

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