Today I went to get my blood drawn for the appointment where they test to see if the Met has made a difference in my blood lipids. That's a whole anxiety post in itself.
What really struck me however, was my encounter with the phlebotomist. I've had her before. She's really sweet and always makes children small talk. This time, she asked (as I clench up because I hear it so often) if E is the first and only. When I nodded, she murmured, "That's so sad."
What? Conflicted immediately. She's so kind that it's hard to be angry. And I guess it is a little sad in some ways. But those are personal. What's so sad to her I wonder? Is it our decision itself? Is it that we or E are missing out on the joys of siblings? Will he not have as good a life as an only child? (which I reject) Is it that she assumes it's out of our hands?
Mind still whirring, I stuttered something about possibly adopting. As always, I lamely feel the need to defend my decisions. It's not until afterwards that I know what I wished I had said...
"It's not sad at all. It's miraculous and awesome that we got this chance at all. We are in love now with the family life we lucked into. Every single day is a blessing, and I am content and as happy as I've ever been. So please congratulate us that we are where we are when so many still struggle."